So I did a juice cleanse….

There’s nothing new about juice cleanses. In fact, juices even rate a mention in the Dead Sea Scrolls. They are however, new to me. The idea of only putting liquids into your body for up to five days seemed ludicrous to me. Then I did one…and it was even more absurd. 

As I was about to return to work after a long maternity leave, I wanted to look fresh and healthy. Ten months of nurturing two little people – night feeds, daytime tantrums, cooking, cleaning, washing, bathing, food shopping etc. etc. had left me feeling anything but refreshed.

I figured that in my lifetime I’d had 10,000 days of eating pretty much whatever I wanted. Three days of giving my system a good rest seemed only fair.

For me, it was crucial that my husband join me for a liquid lunch, dinner and breakfast, or I was going to crack. Someone else needs to understand why you’re suddenly pyscho, obsessed with food, tired and really angry… All day, every day. 

There’s six juices that you drink at two hour intervals, with aloe vera water and chlorophyll that you sip throughout the day. The juices taste great but the fillers are horrendous. Oh, and you can drink as much tea and water as you like. Gee, thanks. 

Day one went well. We were on an adventure – trialling different juices, comparing how we were feeling, waiting for some incredible body transformation. We were so bored that we went to bed at 8pm. You don’t realise how much your life revolves around food until you’re drinking all your meals.

Day two rolled around and I started getting tired. Its not that unusual since we have two young boys and had just moved house, but this was a different type of lethargy. Compounding it was the fact that I still had to cook meals for the boys. Preparing a steaming spaghetti bolognaise whilst sipping kale/spinach/parsley juice (your fifth juice for the day) is torturous.

In desperation I checked the company’s website. Yes, I was allowed to eat salad and raw vegies (they didn’t tell me that in the store). No, we weren’t meant to do heavy exercise (they didn’t tell me that in the store either).

No wonder my husband nearly collapsed after his 80 km bike ride, although I’m not in danger of doing heavy exercise at any time, so was perfectly safe at home lolling about on the couch, shovelling lettuce and avocado in my mouth as though it was chocolate cake. I really missed chewing. Such a simple act that we take for granted but I really missed it. My jaw thanked me for the salad.

Day three and the end was in sight. I wasn’t  feeling “amazing” as the girl in the store said I would by the third day, but the whites of my eyes were unusually clear. The rest of me was pretty much the same, just hangry (mixture of hungry and angry). I reasoned that once I’d finished the juices, the cleanse was over. So I set about drinking them as fast as I could. My tipping point arrived when I was cooking a toasted sandwich for Henry – the prosciutto was truly irresistible! I then felt absolutely no guilt in nailing two toasties, a Picnic bar and Ted’s cruskits. From then on, it was game on…I had a lot of eating to make up for.

Maybe I’m not the right person to do a juice cleanse. In fact, I now know that I’m definitely not the right person for it. I just love chewing too much and plan on doing it for a very long time.


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